Get me to the church on time

So I am beginning to wonder if it is possible for me to ever be on time for church again. I'm thinking that there is no time that I could plan to wake up, where getting out the door on time is going to happen.
All I want is to show up 5 minutes early so that I am not interrupting Jenny's bible class and mine also. I dream of being able to stop and eat breakfast one Sunday-- in a restaurant, not eating a handful of goldfish in the car. But that is so unattainable.
For now, I just want to be able to dry my hair all the way, have all my makeup on before I ever get into the car, not be thinking of all the stuff to still do when I get to the building. (brush hair, put her shoes on, hairbow, diaper change, prepare bag for Jenny's class, find earrings, etc)
oh and NOT wear my houseshoes to church, that's a big one. (Luckily it was flip flops FYI)
I just once would like to remember to bring EVERYTHING I need.
Seriously if I had to get to work all the time in addition to this piddly 2 times a week getting to church, what would I do?? I'd probably be a pro at it, that's what. But for now, getting to church remains the weekly struggle for us.
Did I mention that we are shameless bums? I set the alarm for what I think is reasonable (an hour and a half to get ready) But that was reasonable BJ (before Jenny). What I really need to be setting it for is 5 AM I guess. 4 solid hours. How could it not all come together with 4 hours? It has to work. Except no way would I EVER do that. As it goes now, we scoff at 7:30 and sleep in. So we are just mad at ourselves.
Lots of times we almost say: we are just too late for bible class, we'll have to wait for worship and go then. But going to the adult class is a mother's reward for that morning's efforts. It's her only opportunity to be liberated from her itty bitties, so that she can recharge and be on her toes for worship (time to hog tie your munchkin).

I discovered the coffee bar at our new church building. FABULOUS!! I'd love to see the day that I'd be able to actually make a pot of coffee at home on Sunday morning and get this......drink it! So I drop off Jenny to her precious teachers and I can actually feel my blood pressure dropping when the coffee bar comes into view. I doctor up my styrofoam cup full of joy and head to class. Being able to sit still and study and sip without wrestling and saying No! Hush! Sit Still! ----well its downright rejuvenating. Once the teacher had such a relaxing voice, he could have been a yoga instructor. I felt like maybe I was at the masseuse's office. When class was over I was nearly asleep. Not to say that I don't pay attention in class, but you get my drift.

After class comes worship of course. Which for moms everywhere is a time that has been calculated and planned since probably last Sunday. A bag full of attention getting toys, books, crayons was certainly packed (and make sure they're quiet toys). No way did we forget and leave THAT bag at home.
At our church, some of us moms have the weekly internal struggle to either use the nursery or not. I prefer to take on the challenge for as long as I can with Jenny in the auditorium. Its self inflicted pain I know.
Of course there is the other decision which you've already made: when is the next nap? Did you calculate so that, just in time for worship the baby is totally ready to conk out? If so, then you took the risk of them getting cranky in class. Jenny never wakes in the AM at the same time, so its always a surprise what will she be up to this Sunday.
The different outcomes could be:
1--She made it all the way thru worship awake and acting tolerable, with the help of goldfish, juice, stickers etc
2--We made it to a point, and then i left and rocked her to sleep
3--The heavens shone down and she spontaneously conked out in the auditorium in my arms
4--We made it to a point, and then my attempts at rocking failed, and I dumped her at the nursery
5--She immediately was dumped at the nursery before worship ever began, due to her bizzerko energy or to avoid momma meltdown
Another calculation is: how hungry is the baby? If she's ready to rip thru a steak, then you can slip her goldfish for a good while and buy your time that way. Or... back in the day, it was that precious bottle of breastmilk that required much planning, to be pumped beforehand and at the right temp for worship.
I'm always fascinated at how, thru out my day as a mom, I can be cruising along maybe having a totally blissful moment, thinking what a joy this is, and then next thing I know the BP is UP UP UP and things are stressful and I feel like the Hulk!
One recent Sunday... there we sat singing Halleluiah. Its a treat for us to all 3 be able to attend Sunday worship together due to Will's schedule. So I was enjoying that, and Jenny is relaxing in my lap with her back to me sipping her juice and, you know I'm feeling:
"I've got this under control"
"Its so nice to worship together as a family"
"Jenny's really learning by example to make a joyful noise"
"What a beautiful song"
Maybe me and Will even shared a loving glance and kissed Jenny's head.
Next thing I know, in the blink of an eye, I'm in the secluded cradle roll classroom rocking her while she wails on, catching just a glimpse into the dark ages past, the dark ages of ......COLIC. These are the moments of motherhood that only mothers can relate to.